Intimacy In Marriage A Choice, Not A Duty – Lagos Agency Warns

The Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency, LASVA, has stressed that consent in marriage does not end at the wedding altar, warning that intimacy should be a shared choice and never an obligation.

The agency, in a public advisory shared on their X page on Friday, said respecting a partner’s “yes” or “no” fosters trust, love, and safety, adding that “silence is no, reluctance is no.

It explained that consent must be F.R.I.E.S — Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

The “reversible” element, it noted, means a person can withdraw consent at any point before or during an intimate act, and the other party must immediately stop.

The statement read, “Consent doesn’t stop at the wedding altar.

“In a healthy marriage, intimacy is a shared choice, not an obligation. Respecting your partner’s ‘yes’ or ‘no’ builds trust, love, and safety.

‘For your information: silence is no, reluctance is no. Consent must be F.R.I.E.S: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.”

However, it added that if discomfort or refusal is expressed only after the act has ended, the matter may be more complex.

While it may not meet the definition of “withdrawal during,” it could still constitute sexual misconduct if the initial consent was obtained under pressure, fear, or without full information.

The agency added that, “‘Reversible’ in FRIES means a person can withdraw consent at any point befoe or during the act, and the other party must immediately stop.

“If someone only expresses discomfort or says ‘no’ after the act has ended, it becomes a more complex situation – it may not fit the ‘withdrawal during’ definition, but it can still be a case of sexual misconduct depending on surrounding circumstances (e.g., if the initial consent was given under pressure, fear, or without full information).

“That’s why the emphasis is on clear, ongoing, enthusiastic consent throughout. The safest approach (and the respectful one) is to check in and ensure your partner is still comfortable from start to finish.”